英文幽默故事

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① 英语幽默故事

Peter

dozed

off

while

his

teacher

was

talking.

老师正在讲课，彼得打起瞌睡来了。

Teacher:

Peter！Tell

us,

what's

the

biggest

in

the

world?

老师：彼得！你说说，世界上什么最大？

Peter:

Well,

well....eyelids....

彼得:

嗯……嗯……眼皮……

Teacher:

What？Eyelids？

老师：什么？眼皮？

Peter:

Yes,

sir.

Because

as

soon

as

I

shut

my

eyes,

the

eyelids

cover

everything

of

the

world.

彼得：是的，老师。因为我眼睛一闭，眼皮就把世界上所有的东西都遮住了

Late

one

night

at

the

insane

asylum

(疯人院）one

inmate

shouted,

"I

am

Napoleon!"

Another

one

said,

"How

do

you

know?"

The

first

inmate

said,

"God

told

me!"

Just

then,

a

voice

from

another

room

shouted,

"I

did

not!"

疯人院

一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说："我是拿破仑！"另一个说："你怎么知道？"第一个人说："上帝对我说的！"一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来："我没说！"

② 英文幽默故事

Marriage Proposal to Bernard Shaw

Once a beautiful and dissolute British actress wrote to propose marriage to Bernard Shaw． She said she did not mindBernard Shaw's old age and ugliness because he was a genius． And if they could bine the beauty of the woman with the talents of the great man，that would be greatly harmonious． “With your wisdom and my appearance，our children must be perfect．”

Bernard Shaw answered，in a letter，that her imagination wassplendid，“But，what if the children take my appearance and yourwisdom？”

向肖伯纳求婚

英国有位美貌风流的女演员，曾写信向肖伯纳求婚。她说，因为他是个天才，她不嫌肖伯纳年迈丑陋。假如能使女郎的美貌和超人的天才结合，那该是多么协调啊。“咱们的后代有你的智慧和我的美貌，那一定是十全十美了。”

肖伯纳给她回了一封信说，她的想象很是美妙，“可是，假如生下的孩子外貌象我，而智慧又象你，那又该怎么办呢？”

③ 英语简短幽默故事

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

Q: What's the difference beeen a monkey and a flea?

A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？

Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you enty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.

Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.

Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.

昂贵的代价

牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。

母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？

牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了。

④ 英语幽默小故事50字左右（带翻译）

Q: Why won’t the elephant use the puter?

为什么大象不玩电脑？

A: He’s afraid of the mouse!

他害怕老鼠！

鼠标和老鼠的英文皆为mouse。

mouse [ma?s]n. 鼠标；老鼠；胆小羞怯的人

2.A much worried patiant walked into the doctor's office and asked for help。

"Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday."

"Oh, don't worry! All you have to remember is not to *** oke in the next few days." The doctor said.

一位很焦急的病人走到医生办公室寻求帮助。

“医生，我不知道该怎么办。昨天我不小心喝下了一瓶汽油。”

“哦，不用担心。你一定要牢记未来几天不要吸烟就行了。”医生说。

3.A man was hit by a cab in the street.

He was brought to the hospital.

His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."

"I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor,

Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."

"Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.

他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."

医生说:"我怕他已经死了."

听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."

妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."

4.A man goes to church and starts talking to God.

He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?"

And God says: "A penny".

Then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?"

And God says: "a second",

Then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?"

And God says "In a second".

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.

他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"

上帝回答:"一便士."

男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"

上帝说:"一秒钟."

最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"

上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

5.Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?

Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

6.Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”

“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

⑤ 英语幽默故事

Delicious！

A Hollywood procer was determined to give his mothera birthday gift that would be better than any his brothers weregiving her． He heard about an amazing bird which could talk inelve languages and sing ten famous operas． He immediately bought the bird and sent it to his mother． It cost him＄50，000．

The day after her birthday，he phoned his mother．“What did you think of the bird， Mother？” he asked eagerly．His mother replied，“Delcious！”

说的是一个人花了很多钱买了一只鸟，送给他妈妈，过了一时间儿子问他鸟怎么样，他妈妈说“很美味！”

呵呵~~

字数不够自己加点啦

⑥ 英语简短幽默故事

talking

clock

会说话的钟

while

proudly

showing

off

his

new

apartment

to

friends,

a

college

student

led

the

way

into

the

den.

"what

is

the

big

brass

gong

and

hammer

for?"

one

of

his

friends

asked.

"that

is

the

talking

clock,"

the

man

replied.

"how's

it

work?"

"watch,"

the

man

said

and

proceeded

to

give

the

gong

an

ear

shattering

pound

with

the

hammer.

suddenly,

someone

screamed

from

the

other

side

of

the

wall,

"knock

it

off,

you

idiot!

it's

o

o'clock

in

the

morning!"

一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这 *** ！现在是凌晨两点钟了！”

参考资料：

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⑦ 英语幽默小故事

Once o hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"

两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”

⑧ 英文版的幽默故事（不要太长）

Nail

or

Fly?

An

old

gentleman

whose

eyesight

was

failing

came

to

stay

in

a

hotel

room

with

a

bottle

of

wine

in

each

hand.

On

the

wall

there

was

a

fly

which

he

took

for

a

nail.

So

the

moment

he

hung

them

on,

the

bottles

fell

broken

and

the

wine

spilt

all

over

the

floor.

When

a

waitress

discovered

what

had

happened,

she

showed

deep

sympathy

for

him

and

decided

to

do

him

a

favour.

So

the

next

morning

when

he

was

out

taking

a

walk

in

the

roof

garden,

she

hammered

a

nail

exactly

where

the

fly

had

stayed.

Now

the

old

man

entered

is

room.

The

*** ell

of

the

spilt

wine

reminded

him

of

the

accident.

When

he

looked

up

at

the

wall,

he

found

the

fly

was

there

again!

He

walked

to

it

carefully

adn

slapped

it

with

all

his

strength.

On

hearing

a

loud

cry,

the

kind-hearted

waitress

rushed

in.

To

er

great

surprise,

the

poor

old

man

was

there

sitting

on

the

floor,

his

teeth

clenched

and

his

right

hand

bleeding!

钉子还是苍蝇?

一位视力正在衰退的老绅士住进了一家旅馆的客房。他双手各拿一瓶酒。在墙上有只苍蝇，他误以为是枚钉子。他把两只瓶子朝上一挂，瓶子掉下来摔碎了，酒洒了一地。一个女服务员发现发生的事情以后，对他深表同情，决定帮他个忙。

于是，第二天早上他到楼顶花园散步时，她把一枚钉子钉在了苍蝇停过的地方。

这里，老人回到了房里。倒洒的酒味让他想起了那件事。他抬头往墙上一看，苍蝇又停在了那儿!他轻手轻脚地走近，使尽全力拍了一掌。听到一声大叫，好心的女服务员冲进房来。让她大为吃惊的是，可怜的老头正坐在地板上，牙关紧咬，右手滴血不止。

简短英语励志小故事3篇

一、　英语寓言小故事：老鼠和公牛

第一段：

A mouse once took a bite out of a bull's tail as he lay dozing.?

译文：有一次，公牛躺着打盹，一只老鼠咬了他的尾巴。

The bull jumped up in a rage and， with his head low to the ground， chased the?

mouse right across the yard.

译文：公牛怒气冲冲地跳起来，低着头追老鼠，一向追过院子。

The mouse was too quick for him， however， and slipped easily into a hole in the wall.

译文：然而，老鼠跑得比他快多了，从容地钻到墙洞里去了。

第二段：

The bull charged the wall furiously again and again， but although he bruised his head?

and chipped his horns， the mouse stayed safely inside his hole。?

译文：公牛一次又一次地猛撞墙壁，尽管头撞肿了，角撞裂了，老鼠却安然待在洞里。

After a time the bull gave up and sank down to rest again。

译文：过了一会儿，公牛不撞了，倒下歇着。

第三段：

As soon as the bull was asleep， the little mouse crept to the mouth of the hole， pattered across the yard， bit the bull again？

译文： 公牛刚睡着，小老鼠就爬到洞口，嗒嗒地跑过院子，又咬了公牛一口？

this time on the nose？

译文：这回咬了鼻子？

and rushed back to safety。 As the bull roared helplessly the mouse squeaked："It's?

not always the big people who e off best。 Sometimes the small ones win， you know。"

译文：又跑回安全的地方去。当公牛毫无办法地吼叫时，老鼠吱吱叫道："大人物并不总占上风。有时小人物也会取胜。"

二、英语寓言小故事：郭氏之墟

第一段：

On a vacation trip， Duke Huan of the state of Qi came to the ruin of the capital of Guo?

Shi ， which perished long ago.

译文：齐桓公出游途中，来到已经灭亡许久的郭氏都城的废墟。

第二段：

Seeing the desolate and bleak prospects of broken tiles， collapsed walls， and clusters?

of weeds， he could not help asking the local people about the reason of the ruin of Guo Shi.

译文：看到瓦砾残垣、杂草丛生的萧条景象，忍不住问当地百姓郭氏灭亡的原因。

第三段：

They replied，"Guo Shi was fond of doing good deeds， and averse to evildoing， which led to the perdition."

译文：百姓们回答说："郭氏由于喜爱善行善事。厌恶邪恶丑行而导致灭亡。"

第四段：

When the Duke could not understand the answer， people explained ，" Though he?

liked doing good， he had never been able to do so; though he hated?

evildoing， never could he help not participating.That caused the ruin of his capital."

译文：齐桓公不能理解这种回答，百姓们便解释说："郭氏虽然喜爱善行善事，但从来都不能做到；尽管厌恶邪恶丑行，却总是忍不住参与其中。这就是他的都城变成废墟的原因。"

三、英语寓言小故事：三个好朋友

One day， a monkey rides his bike near the river.

译文：一天，一只猴子在河边骑车。

This time he sees a lion under a tree, The lion runs at him.?

译文：这时他看见树下有一只狮子，狮子向他跑来。

He is afraid and falls into the river.?

译文：他十分的害怕，掉进河里。

He can’t swim, He shouts.?

译文：他不会游泳，大叫起来。

The rabbit hears him, He jumps into the river, The rabbit swims to the monkey， but?

he can’t help him.?

译文：兔子听见了，跳进水里，但他却没有办法救猴子。

Luckily， an elephant es along.

译文：幸运的是，一只大象过来了。

He is very strong, He helps the rabbit and monkey.?

译文：大象十分强壮，救出了兔子和猴子。

Three friends are very happy, They go to the elephant’s home.

译文：他们来到大象的家，在那里吃了一顿大餐。

Then， three of them bee good friends.

译文：从此他们成了好朋友。

四、英语寓言小故事：

　A Man and a Satyr having struck up an acquaintance， sat down together to eat.

译文：一个人与赛特偶然相识，坐在一齐吃东西。

The day being wintry and cold， the Man put his fingers to his mouse and blew opon them.

译文：正值冬季，天气很冷，那人把手放在嘴边哈气。

"What's that for， my friend?" asked the Satyr.

译文：赛特问道“我的朋友，那是干吗?”

" My hands are so cold，" said the Man， "I do it to warm them."

译文：这人说“我的手太冷了，这是为了取暖”。

In a little while some hot food was placed before them， and the Man， raising the dish to his mouse， again blew opon it.

译文：过了一会儿，热腾腾的食物端上来了，那人把碟子举到嘴边又吹了起来。

"And what's the meaning of that， now?" said the Satyr.

译文：赛特问“这又是干吗？”

"Oh，" replied the Man， "my porridge is so hot， I do it to cool it."?

译文：那人说“哦，我的粥太烫了，我把他吹凉些”。

"Nay， then，" said the Satyr， "from this moment I renounce your friendship， for I?

will have nothing to do with one who blows hot and cold with the same mouse."

译文：赛特说“从此刻起，我要与你绝交，因为我不想和一个反复无常的人做朋友”。

五、英语小故事：驴和蚱蜢

Ass having heard some Grasshoppers chirping， was highly enchanted; and， desiring?

to possess the same charms of melody， demanded what sort of food they lived?

on， to give them such beautiful voices.

译文：一只驴听到几只蚱蜢在叫，便觉得很趣味；于是也想得到同样趣味的音调，便问蚱蜢吃什么东西过活，以至于能有这样优美的声音。

They replied， "The dew." The Ass resolved that he would only live upon dew， and in?

a short time died of hunger.

译文：蚱蜢说：「露水。」驴子听了，从此以后也单吃露水过活，不久便饿死了。

英语励志小 故事 很益智，很有朝气，读来可以使人振奋，奋发，每天读一读，真的很受益。以下是我整理的励志小故事，希望和大家分享。

简短英语励志小故事：半途而废

Give up halfway

During the Warring States Period (475-221BC), there was a man called Yue Yangzi in State Yue. One day he saw a piece of gold on the road and picked it up. He took it home and gave it to his wife. But his wife was not happy. The virtuous woman said, "I hear that a man of morality doesn't drink a thief's water and a man of probity refuses to accept alms. What do you think of the action of picking up another's lost valuable and possessing it for one's own?"

Yue Yangzi, feeling ashamed, sent the gold back to where he found it.

the next year, Yue Yangzi felt that he should go out and visit scholars to enrich his knowledge. So he set off.

A year later, he came back home suddenly.

"Why have you returned?" asked his wife in surprise, "You've only spent one year studying with scholars."

"I come back because I missed you very much."

Without saying anything, his wife took a pair of scissors and went to the loom at which she had worked. Pointing at the half done brocade, she proclaimed : "This brocade is woven from the finest silk. I wove one strand after another to produce the brocade. Now if I cut it, all my previous work will be wasted. It's the same with your studies. You can acquire knowledge only through diligence. Now, you've stopped halfway. Isn't it the same as cutting the brocade on the loom?"

Yue Yangzi was moved by what she said. He again left home to visit scholars. Several years later he became a learned man.

半途而废

战国时期，魏国有个叫乐羊子的人。有一天，乐羊子在路上看到一块金子，他就捡起金子，带回了家并把它拿给妻子看。可他妻子一点儿也不高兴。这个贤惠的女人对他说："我听人说'壮士不饮盗泉之水;廉洁的人不食嗟来之食'。把别人遗失的贵重之物捡起来据为己有，你怎么看待这种行为呢?"

乐羊子听了妻子的话，觉得很惭愧，就把那块金子又扔到原来的地方。

第二年，乐羊子离开家到了一个很远的地方，去拜师求学。

一年后，乐羊子突然回到家中，他的妻子很惊讶地问："你怎么回来了?你才和那些学者学了一年呀。"乐羊子说："我太想你了，所以回来看看。"

他的妻子听了以后，二话不说，拿起把剪刀走到她的织布机前。她指着那块已经完成了一半的锦缎说："这块锦缎用的是最好的丝。我一丝丝的累积来织成这锦缎。如果我现在把它剪断，就等于前功尽弃。你求学也是这样。如果现在停止，和剪断织布机上的锦缎有什么区别?"

乐羊子被妻子的话所感动，于是立刻离开家，继续拜师求学。

几年后，乐羊子终于完成学业，成为一个博学的人。

简短英语励志小故事：鞋匠奇遇

The shoemaker's adventure 鞋匠奇遇

A young shoemaker left his village. Along the way, he found some ants, who were very sad because a bear had destroyed their anthill(蚁冢，人群密集的地方) . The shoemaker helped them rebuild it, and the ants offered to return the favor.

The shoemaker followed his way and found some bees with the same problem as the ants. The young man also helped them, and the bees promised to help him in the future.

Further along, the shoemaker learned that the king’s daughter was in the castle of a witch(巫婆，女巫) . The young man decided to rescue her. But the witch locked him up in a stinking(发恶臭的，非常讨厌的) dunge on with a sack of sand mixed with poppy(**) seeds and told him that if he wasn’t able to separate the two, she would cut off his head at dawn.

The young man thought about his death. But his friends the ants came and helped him pass the test. The witch was astounded. Then she took him to a room where there were thirteen maidens with their faces covered: the shoemaker had to discover which one was the princess.

The young man became discouraged but he saw a bee that landed on... the sweetest one, the true princess. When the shoemaker uncovered her face, the witch was changd into a crow(乌鸦) . The young people fell in love and lived surrounded by animals and poppies.

一个年轻鞋匠离开他所在的村子。沿途中看到一些蚂蚁，蚂蚁们很伤心，因为熊破坏了他们的家。于是这个鞋匠帮助它们重修了蚁丘，蚂蚁们说将来会回报他的帮助。

鞋匠上路继续前行，发现一些蜜蜂遭遇到和蚂蚁一样的状况。于是这个年轻人也帮助了蜜蜂们，蜜蜂承诺将来也会帮助这位年轻人。

又走了很远，鞋匠听说国王的女儿困在女巫的城堡里，年轻人决定去营救她。但女巫把他锁在恶臭的粪土堆旁，还扔给他一麻袋混合在一起的沙子和**种子。告诉他如果不能够在黎明前把这些区分开来，就要在黎明时砍掉他的脑袋。

年轻人想着他要死了。这时他的朋友蚂蚁来了，帮助他通过了这个考验。女巫大吃一惊，接着她把年轻人带到了一个房间，里面有蒙着面纱的是三个少女：鞋匠必须从中找出真正的王妃。

年轻人有些灰心了，但这时他看到了一只蜜蜂降落在一个人身上……那人就是真正的王妃。当鞋匠揭开她的面纱，于是女巫变成了一只乌鸦。年轻人跟公主坠入爱河，动物们和**花都围绕着他们。

简短英语励志小故事：人人都是雄鹰

A boy found an eagle's egg and he put it in the nest of a prairie chicken. The eagle hatched and thought he was a chicken. He grew up doing what prairie chicken do-scratching at the dirt for food and flying short distances with a noisy fluttering of wings. It was a dreary life. Gradually the eagle grew older and bitter. One day he and his prairie chicken friend saw a beautiful bird soaring on the currents of air, high above the mountains.

"Oh, I wish I could fly like that!" said the eagle. The chicken replied, "Don't give it another thought. That's the mighty eagle, the king of all birds-you could never be like him!" And the eagle didn't give it another thought. He went on cackling and complaining about life. He died thinking he was a prairie chicken. My friends, you too were born an eagle. The Creator intended you to be an eagle, so don’t listen to the prairie chickens!

一个小男孩发现了一只老鹰下的蛋，把它放进了一只山鸡的窝里。鹰被孵出来了，但他以为自己是一只山鸡。渐渐的他长大了，却做着山鸡所做的事---从泥土里寻找食物，做短距离的飞翔，翅膀还啪啪作响。生活非常沉闷，渐渐地鹰长大了，也越来越苦恼。有一天，他和他的山鸡朋友看见一只美丽的鸟在天空翱翔，飞的比山还高。

“哦，我要能飞的那么高该多好啊!”鹰说。山鸡回答说，“不要想了，那是凶猛无比的鹰，鸟中之王---你不可能像他一样!”于是鹰放弃了那个念头。他继续咯咯地叫，不停的抱怨生活。最后他死了，依然认为自己是一只山鸡。朋友们，你们天生就是雄鹰。造物主有意把你造就成一只雄鹰，所以不要听信山鸡的话!

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